By John Haze

“Hunk”
Nova, 1985
Director: Robert Walters
Cast: Rex Morgan, Leigh Erickson (as Marc Bennett), Jeff Hunter, Melchor, Daniel Holt, Dane Ford, Chris Allen, Cliff Ryder and David Ashfield

The mid-1980s were a great time for the sight of male flesh. Here’s a scorecard: Tom Selleck was a weekly shirtless presence on “Magnum, PI.” (Whether he was named after a gun or a condom was anybody’s guess.) Supple blond Christopher Atkins graduated from “The Blue Lagoon” loincloth to a stripper’s G-string in “A Night in Heaven” (better known to heteros for its schmaltzy chart-topping theme song by Bryan Adams). And later, John Allen Nelson (who played Navy Seal-turned-lifeguard John Cord on “Baywatch”) starred in the B-movie “Hunk,” about a nerd who made a wish to the devil for a built-to-fuck body. Is there any possibility these ideas were the product of straight writers?

Before the mainstream “Hunk” there was an adult film by the same name, which starred Rex Morgan, a freakishly handsome bodybuilder who actually looks like the lovechild of Tom Selleck and John Allen Nelson. Since Rex had some fame as a bodybuilder, it was considered a coup even to have him perform solo in a gay movie, much less to “go all the way.” But that’s exactly what he does with his co-star, surfer-type Leigh Erickson. They play college roommates who are reunited and discover their passion for one another after Rex gets introduced to the “bohemian lifestyle” of Leigh’s neighbors. “Bohemian” constitutes men sucking and fucking in every corner of the building, heedless of strangers coming and going.

Winsome Melchor doesn’t even seem to own clothing. He strolls bare-assed downstairs and says hello to Rex briefly before going back upstairs to share a fuck with David Ashfield, who oozes equal parts charm and cum. The fun of this film though is the climactic union of Rex and Leigh. Rumors are that the two actors surprised the director and camera crew with a fuck amid what was scripted as an oral-only scene. And the foreplay is edited to match, shot for shot, the scene in “A Night in Heaven” in which Christopher Atkins “accidentally” went full frontal. Why not spring for both DVDs this weekend? It’s impossible not to like this movie, but being a Gen X pop-culture junkie will give you a good shot at loving it.

“Muscle Ranch 2”
Buckshot (Colt Studios), 2006
Director: Kristofer Weston
Cast: Antton Harri, Alex Chandler, Brian Hansen, Danny Roddick, Jason Kingsley, Joey Jordan, Cole Ryan, Mason Wyler, Mark Hansom and Remo Ferri.

It’s not often that a motion picture is released 15 years after its prequel. But here more than in any other modern feature, the creative forces of Colt Studios show an ability to pick up where they left off. Somewhat predictably, the guys of “Muscle Ranch 2” are not nearly so convincing in their cowboy garb as Jake Tanner and Ed Dinakos were in the first movie. They generally look better suited to a western-themed disco than a ranch. But with a much bigger cast and a broader sexual repertoire, this movie offers a lot that was missing from the original.

In the first scene, Brian Hansen accidentally rips his pants and uses it as an excuse to pull on his big thick cock. Jason Kingsley breaks up the solo action and fucks Brian atop a bale of hay. The two men are handsome, very well endowed and fully worthy of the “muscle” in the movie’s title. Less so of boy beef Danny Roddick and his costar Mason Wyler, who are part of Colt’s contemporary interest in appealing to the chicken-hawk market. But despite their wispier frames, Mason’s nubile ass and Danny’s crooked grin completely light up the screen.

Then Alex Chandler and Cole Ryan get into an argument that turns into a mud-wrestling match. The actors aren’t especially good at wrestling, but when their angry boss Antton Harri turns the garden hose on them they turn out to be a lot more adept at cleaning each other up. Cute musclecub Cole gets instantly hard, and while it’s immediately evident that he’s a natural bottom, it comes as some surprise when he flips Alex halfway through the scene. The movie has only dimly resembled the original “Muscle Ranch” to this point but that all changes in very admirable fashion when Remo Ferri arrives and he and Antton recreate Ed and Jake’s majestically rugged union. While the modern Colt flicks have been hit or miss, director Weston really gets the formula right here and everything old is blue-veined again.